PLEASE - would you Help Me Help You Tune In Dial Up Shift Gears for your WELLTH SUCCESS

How can i Help - i’m asking this all the time when engaging with folks who share they’re a bit tired or stressed, or they’re keen to start getting fit, i really want to help! i can HELP SO MUCH - trust me…). I mean, i KNOW - it’s my research ok - that we’re complex and that we can defeat our best plans if we try one practice and expect great results, and we don’t get them, because the other bits of our complexity don’t get tuned to support the new practice.

Like if you start lifting, how make it possible to make sure your rest and food and partying align with that new thing so you feel great rather than totally fatigued? so you burn fat rather than actually start to store more of it? and then feel frustrated because what you believe is supposed to work - stops working.

It’s a personal challenge to let folks have their process but also offer - in a trustful way - that i’m here if you’d like some feedback. I get a little eager.

Like just last night, i asked on twitter for pete’s sake when someone just said they’d successfully lifted some heavy stuff i aks - so what is your aspiration in doing this new thing?
And perhaps they’ll share what they hope to achieve - like they’re now lifting weights and they say it’s cuz they want to get leaner. Like lose weight really.

And i’m trying really hard not to jump up and down and go (in 145 characters)

 that’s so great that’s super. Heh, what about your diet? You know you can’t outrun a donut, right? not that you’re eating donuts, but i mean working out is great, you’ll get stronger, help your bones all good - but if you really want to kill the fat, if that’s your aspiration, and you’re doing the strong thing, it’s really diet not exercise that’s the prime mover there - i mean do you want to dial that in. And heh, do you know how to do that? what are you doing? i know how to do that. You don’t really know me, but i’m insured, i’m certified, i help people, heh just talk with me, promise this is going to be great. C’mon - maybe what you’re doing is perfect, but maybe just a little tweak could make it exponentially better - like totally - you’ll be so amazed. Really: you’ll be able to test it yourself. It’s awesome. 

Too intense?


And see i KNOW that it doesn’t matter about food, right away - moving is great. What's importnat is beginning to build self- efficacy. And hopefully not hurting yourself.

What i’m really trying to do is just flag up - well, you can start here if that sounds great, but if you want to have a chat about this WHOLE THING - rather than try to hack this space and DIY it, and maybe get it right; maybe not,  a wee conversation could give you view of the horizon you could use to be aware of some more of the factors you could play with as well to get to your goals FASTER and having more FUN doing it and less risk of injury or frustration.

How say that? Or not? should i not try?

And ok the other thing is - how build trust? This person may never catch up with me about this - why should they? they don’t know me - but maybe they’ll have this conversation with someone else who has a wholistic view.

or not.

Oh it’s hard to shut up shut up shut up and not say oh wow can we talk about this? because i really really like to hear what people do, how they come to their decisions about what they’re doing, and how they support this.

And i like to say “you won’t believe how this really tiny thing can make this HUGE difference? want to know more? How you can test it for yourself?" Cus sometimes these little conversations help figure out that there may be some beliefs that aren’t helpful that are interupting making real gains towards the aspiration.

For instane, a colleague shared about her running, and i offered a tip about pacing she thought was really useful (practicing offer a little and shut up) so when i saw her again, we talked about her runs over the winter - how she wasn’t really cuz it’s wet and yucky out so she’s running up and down her one set of stairs at home. Fantastic. I ask if she’d like to look at something to complement that stair practice if she doesn’t feel like running. She says yes, sure (not sure if she’s just being polite).

So i ask has she ever thought about lifting heavy

stuff (i’m actually thinking about the power of swinging a kettlebell) - and she tells me, no she doesn’t want to bulk up. AND THERE IT IS: the huge belief about weights that keep women from protecting ourselves from osteoporosis. And that’s just the kind of belief so important to explore!

Because guess what? that lack of lifting heavy stuff, means lack of muscle, means lack of stress on the bones from having to support the muscle that is pulling load, means lack of need to have bone because we’re use it or lose it systems, means less tissue laid down, means a future likelihood of osteoporosis. Why don’t guys have as much incidence of osteoporosis? more muscle mass, more stress on bones, more need therefore to have bone, so more bone tissue, more resilience. Jeeze eh?


And as for bulky? What i wouldn’t give for some biceptual bulk! Ha. SO i share as well, it is SO SO hard for women to build mass.

not me

 I actually finally say “do i look bulky?” NO! comes the reply Exactly AND I”m REALLY WORKING IT! (See? small white gal - lifts heavy - looks well not like x-fit champion to be sure).

Anyway, to get back to my point about this personal challenge.

I LOVE to talk with folks about how to help them TUNE IN what they’re already doing right now to better support their aspirations. To help them get their foot off the brake if it’s there - if they don’t even know or suspect their foot is on the break while hitting the gas. Or maybe how to shift gears to really pick up momentum - because things are revving really high but things aren’t changing. That ever happen? OR folks just don’t know things they’re doing could feel better, easier...

My challenge is i’d love to develop a way to engage with folks so that i could offer this kind of tune up without overwhelming that person and so it invites trust to explore - not making that person feel defensive - open the possiblity that’s inviting. That i’m keen to hear rather than prescribe; that anything i offer is testable to see how it works etc etc.

So if you connect with me and health or anything about performance comes up - first let me say so sorry if i get a little carried away - i’m working on it to pull back.

And second: as i’ve written about in detail before you really are doing everything you need to be doing for health - you move, you eat, you sleep, you talk with others, you seek to learn new things - all fantastic. What you may find helpful is some insight into how to tune what you’re doign already on those fundamentals to get to that resonant frequency with with these activities where they really just hum. When that dialing in occurs, you can build that resiliane, leanness, fitness, as effeciently and joyfully as possible.

So please pardon me - i’d love to learn about your health aspirations and if i can help you find your path more quickly more joy less chance of injury - at bottom, on my side, this is likely a joyful path for making contact with another human. Some people cook for others; i coach and research and design for health and wellbeing (“wellth”). Thanks for your patience.

Thanks for listening. Have a great fitness practice thing today, whatever you're doing. And heh - door's open...literally

Vegetarians are Sissies.

Vegetarians are sissies. This thought occured to me after having been vegetarian for - oh a really long time (decade+) then going back to omnivore - and more recently (past year-ish) exploring what i'm calling "opportunistic veganism" That is: i optimise for not eating meat, includeing dairy especially when i’m eating away from home. It's kinda fun.

It's opportunistic because i'm looking for opportunities to practice veganism. And the biggest, easiest win consistently and especially at home is: getting rid of dairy.  Black coffee; black tea. Artisan breads.

I don't know why more folks don't start exploring heading towards a Plant eating regimine simply by first skipping out animal outputs rather than the animals themselves. Surely there's a name for this inverted vegetarianism?

Yes, any egress from an animal can be readily skipped. I haven't touched dairy since i started on this - and i haven't missed it. Milky tea - once a fave has been replaced with Black tea. Cheese as garnish has been replaced by cashews ground up with nutritional yeast (a combo known as vegan crack - and with good cause) - it's like parmesan. Yogurt? who needs it? I've got: water kefir, fermented oatmeal, saurkraut, home made red wine vinegar, sourdough.



 alternatives to yogurt abound - and are cheaper and producable at home - like this saurkraut.

beyond home made saurkraut, there's kombucha, water kefir, red wine vinegar, soaked/fermeted oats.
who needs yogurt?

Which brings us to why vegetarians are sissies. Most vegetarians -not all but most - are saying they're not ok with animal slaughter (or aesphixiation). That's nice. So why are they ok with well, how describe it? animal slavery?

Great you're not eating the hamburger - but that burger is just the end point of about 7 milk cows - or more - and that's not even healthy in terms of tracing say e-coli contamination. But i digress: point is, vegetarian sissies, after a life time behind bars - of those milking stalls - those poor tired girls are retired to macdonalds.

And those chickens you're not eating? That's limiting cruelty of factory framing is it?
What makes eggs ok? Are they all from free range hens? No? Yes? Are you sure those free range hens are really ranging freely? Does that restriction of conviction include the eggs in all the processed foods you may be having too?

THis barn apparently qualifies as "free range"

And let’s remember that for every female chick that is forced to squat in a barn to lay eggs, the male chicks are asphyxiated to go into cat food. For your pet. Way to go.

We won't even talk about all the itty bitty baby sheep that give their lives for parmesan cheese.
Hence the morality of vegetarianism - for those that claim that rationale rather than "i don't like the taste of meat" now kinda escapes me: once you look at the infrastruture that enables the animal outputs (ie dairy) to be produced/sold, it feels like vegetarianism on "moral and ethical grounds" is neither: it's hypocracy isn't it?

And speaking of that dairy infrastructure, what's easier to do? learn to skip the milk and like black coffee or give up bacon? You’ll crow about giving up steak but not cake?

Once in awhile: skip dairy

To all the non vegetarians out there who want to explore less animal in your diets, i say good for you. Why not start easy and with great health benefits:  skip dairy first - it’s more ubiquitous in your daily life but can be easier to eliminate, especially if you want to go higher nutrient for a leaner fitter you.

Worried about less calcium if you skip milk in coffee? Have some kale. Or broccoli. Get a double benefit of all the nutrients in the veg -including calcium - and fewer calories. And if you’re trying to be a little more resilient, learning how to do without what seems stupidly essential, find alternatives - means you’re just a little more versatile - a little less a slave to your tastes.

In terms of energy conservation and feeding the planet: What if all the demand for dairy dried up. First milk, then eggs then cheese. Imagine if all that acid whey poured off as waste in the making of greek yogurt - just dried up - cuz we weren't buying it anymore.

And then even baking started to change to find amazing egg and milk alternatives (they're there).

So - i'm saying this - especially to vegetarians: why not experiment with finding your opportunisitic vegan by starting with inverting the whole vegetarian thing. Start your un-animal quest by Taking a pass on the energy and un-ethics of dairy. 

Just see how that goes - you don't have to be a fascist about it. It's just, let's get real: vegetarianism is not really protecting animals. As we've seen, dairy is the pre and post process of meat practices. So if you’re skipping meat on ethical grounds, what are your ethics for dairy?

The Opportunistic Veganism Advantage: Better Wholer Food especially on the road

No one says you have to go Vegan full on all the time. A fantastic way to explore opportunistic veganism is to do it away from home. Here’s a few tips on how.

Practice on the Go

Folks who ask me (usually over dinner) about not consuming animal have heard me say if survival ever comes to a choice between me or the cow, the cow is going down. But i feel i'm put in that position less and less, or my opportunistic practice means i've learned how to dance that situation less and less.

For example: at a restaurant if there are no pre-fabricated mains on the menu that suit, i can ask if the chef will put together some ingredients that are on the menu: beans & greens make the scene.

This approach works really well at most hotels for breakfast-included buffet scenarios too: the staff can use the ingredients for omlettes to create something good. Even Brit full english buffets often have tomatoes and mushrooms, and the fruit area will have dark berries.

On the go, i also travel with a Dose Locker full of brown rice protein powder and Enerex Greens powder: nutrition anywhere anytime. Worst comes to Worst, oh gosh i can skip a full meal. I can do some hunger and be ok with that. OR i can eat the fish. Or the cow. Remember: i'm making a choice. I'm an opportunistic vegan - creating vegan opportunities all the time, as much as possible/desireable. It's fun. That's the thing: i'm taking control of my nutrition.

Optomizing Vegan Meals at Events

A quick tip: at various events when asking for dietary requirements "vegan” can quickly get translated as lots of pasta. To avoid this starch fest, you can add "gluten free” too and even add “please add lots of dark greens like spinach, broccoli” Such meals can still be epic fails, but often my special meal turns out to be tastier than the chicken or beef entree. I also usually get more whole foods when everyone else is getting a lot of white bread and mystery meat. Try it yourself: see what happens.

Optimizing Air Plane Food

On planes? If available, try the asian vegetarian option or similar before you go on your flight for your "special meal" - or bring your dose locker. Or consider fasting: which helps with jet lag (at least in mice).

Pretend to be Vegan Once in Awhile

Go ahead: pretend to be a vegan and see what license that gives you to EAT BETTER FOOD OUT - especially when restaurants don't know what to do and they ask you what would that include? Fantastic!

TO practice, why not go dairy-free? Up your veg instead. You can still get all those lucious fats that dairy offers and even more nutrients and fiber just by upping say avacados. Skipping dairy is also an easy way to start effortlessly reducing intake of excess calories if you’re trying to lean out but want to keep up your nutrition.

And heck: i am not vegan-pure; i'm opportunistic.
Sometimes i don't ask exactly what's in that oatmeal chocolate chip raisin cookie...

ANYWAY

Takeaways

• vegetarians are sissies (or (neo)liberal humanists). most of the veggies i speak with have rationalised their double standards to say they’re ok with them. That it’s just too much to try to go all the way. To which i offer: INVERT YOUR PRACTICE FROM TIME TO TIME try switching it up from time to time - learn the skills to skip/replace the dairy nutrients from other sources and confront the animal by having it on your plate. own up. If not why not?
  
  
• ALL OF US try exploring going animal-less by less animal outputs. Just see what your paleo or regular life would be like if you pulled back on the animal stuff by cutting out animal outputs. Start there. Get some skills. Learn what the “intead of Dairy try X for more nutrients” Use the un-dairy as a way to (a) get healthier (b) learn more about how you and food connect to feel better.
• have fun: be an opportunistic vegan more of the time to eat better when out - and those opportunities may become more and more frequent. Start with the out of the house; see what habits trickle to the back home.

Coda: We are so Privileged - let's practice options 

if we can dance in these meat or not meat choices, we're all extremely lucky and privileged.

Why not use that privilege to gain some skills on how to be more resilient?

Learning to eat less animal and animal related products - learning how to go without from time to time intelligently - is a great way to become more resilient. When we don’t HAVE to do something is a great time to learn HOW to do something so we’re not limited by our current constrained preferences.

Cutting dairy is a great way to start such an exploration, because for most of us, that dairy is just a bonus not an essential nutrient anyway - loads of other foods offer similar advantages, from fats to vitamins.

After you get un-dairy under control (up those greens and avocados and anything dark really) - you can try being an opportunistic vegan. You’ll be smarter about food, more reslient, and have more fun no longer being held captive by the buffet, but getting better food too, guaranteed.

Update: Feb 26 - i forgot that i posted this about male chicks back in 2010 - how time flies: The Evil Vegetarian and Her Eggs - with asphxiation video can you believe it!

Stress as Illusion - Dealing with Stress Toms vs Stress Tigers

Stress - for me that’s the “i HAVE to get this DONE!!!” Everything else falls before the necessity of this sudden, total imperative. GRRR ARRRGH. You know?

On reflection, as i somehow pause in the midst of one of these exact “i have to” moments (that’s gone on for almost my entire weekend) -i begin to think, you know, a lot of my stress seems to be convenient. It reminds me of the four quadrants for assessing what’s important to do - and what is not that Steven Covey made popular.

Stress as Urgency Illusion

The four quads are important/not urgent; important/urgent; Not important/not urgent; not important/urgent

Very little, Covey says, is important and urgent: like our child is being rushed to the hospital and so we have to break an appointment.

Lots, says Covey, we let be urgent but it’s not important. Not really. Not such that it has to be attended to right now - which means other stuff - perhaps even important, but not urgent stuff - gets pushed to the side. Again. Sound familiar?

The Techno Trap - stress illusion example

Here’s an example for me: something started happening on a computer network that affects how i can access the content i use to keep parts of my life moving, and i feel i need to get it fixed right away.

Thing is, i have other stuff to do that is actually important, but feel like i can’t do those other things till i get this one sorted. My focus also becomes intense, like if i look up, it will all fall apart; the “don’t bug me” walls go way up. Someone’s nice to me: i want to growl at them. Somehow this task has become the mission critical one. Is it?

As i pause right now, to ask this question, to confront myself, i find myself having to ask: is the problem i’m dealing with really that life or death that it affects the quality of life i have with those around me? Um. ok it feels that way, but that’s not the truth.

Sometimes it’s just easier to be in this reactive place than to pull back, breath and think more about what’s actually important, needs doing, but doesn’t have the “crisis” excuse wrapped aroung it to get it done. And heh, the stupid thing that does feel like a crisis has another feature: as it becomes an absolute time sink, it can also run out the clock of the day too so that other important thing that’s less interesting on the stack but actually more necessary to do gets delayed - again.

Stress Tom vs Stress Tiger

So stress, it seems, can be a useful illusion. Useful if i am actually being fearful and want to procrastinate.

Let me step back: i’m not saying that stress isn’t real. The physiological response to something that sends up all those fight or flight responses - that makes me feel i have to respond to this “threat” right this minute - the very hormonal stress response is real. But i’m good, it seems, in allowing a wee stress trigger to dominate my action.

That is, the thing supposedly triggering the urgent “must do” stress response isn’t a tiger threatening to eat me.



It really isn’t that urgent such that if i don’t fix it, RIGHT NOW, drop everything else, i can’t get any of the important but not urgent stuff done.

Nope, i’m playing a role here in translating a kitty that’s spooked me - maybe even a nasty spraying tom kitty - into a tiger with big sharp teeth - and i’ll tell other people: there’s a tiger!! must get tiger!!  get out of my space - when really it’s the tom in the corner.

So how deal with the Stress Tom (not Stress Tiger)?

Part of the process for me - once i actually get to a pause - has been running the reality check of this supposed urgent thing to do against the Quadrants to find out if what the issue is, is truly urgent or just irritating?

To ask: what’s important today that this Stress Tom, is deflecting - and most important: has it interfered with me being loving with the folks i only get to go around life with once?

If it’s not really urgent and it’s screwing up my limited time with the folks i love or the things that are important (like a workout that can reduce all those hormal stress responses or doing some work that will add real value in an ongoing way to my life), then i need to find another solution.

For instnace, it may be to stop the stress tom activity and go make some tea for the family and re-engage there, try to talk about the rest of our day, or figure out where i can get some movement - and see if the solution to the Stress Tom doesn’t just manifest.

Three Steps to Disengage From the Stress Tom Illusion

In sum,

1. STEP ONE: ID YOUR TOM TRIGGERS: practice recognising i’m having what for me is my stress response. For me that’s anything where i’m saying to myself or others “i have to do this." Usually, that's just not true. And even if it is, what did i do to get there?
2. STEP TWO: STOP & REALITY CHECK - Once i hit an "i have to" - the challenge is to disengage from that " i have to"  and check it against the quads for true urgency value against true importance value.
3. STEP THREE: RECONNECT - If i have a stress tom in front of me - when assessed against the quads, the best way to move it from Tiger to Tom is do something else asap that will re-engage with what’s important, like go be present to someone i love, or go do some push ups.

One of the biggest bits here is remembering i have to PRACTICE identifying that i'm in stress. If i try to do this when i'm in stress - without that practice - well, the likelihood of success goes down.

One way to get this practice is just to check in. If you'd like to try a practice session, for instance,  while you're reading this, you might ask first, what is my trigger to know i'm in stress? Next: Am i having one of these moments? When was the last time i had one of those moments? Checking against the quadrants was that a real Tiger  - something Urgent and Important - or was it just a stress Tom - Urgent-feeling, but not super important?

My experience, these kinds of reflections help build up the patterns our brains need to be able to (1) recognise these situations more quickly (2) fire up the options we want more quickly to deal with them - to put the cat out, as it were.

Does this process resonate?
Let me know how you identify and cope with your stress tom's
Good luck!

mc
@mcphoo